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She also felt that if a boyfriend did not become physical or enraged with her, it meant that she was not important enough to him.The abuse was so extreme that one boyfriend made her remove her panties every time she came home from work so he could examine them for stains and smells. I had a middle-aged female patient who would tell me that her husband would not hit her if dinner was waiting for him when he came home from work, or that she was to blame for all of his failed job opportunities and that she deserved to be hit.The circumstances were similar to when he had his affair, and she began to lose trust in him.

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In couples therapy, you'll often find short-term success paired with long-term regression.

For example, one couple I saw regularly was in flux over an affair the man had with a co-worker while they were away on business.

I once saw a couple where the male had a prior conviction for aggravated assault, but his wife did not.

She was the violent one in the relationship and would regularly attack him because she knew he would never hit her and that, if he did, the authorities would blame him as perpetrator and instigator due to his prior history.

This can be difficult because while most people feel they are capable of letting go, it is extremely hard to not hold a grudge.

Last modified 18-Oct-2018 03:06